


Anything I Can Do?

by Chaosprincess, SegaBarrett



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angry!Nick, Apologetic!Troy, Erotic Bootlicking, F/M, M/M, tw: mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 11:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12231678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaosprincess/pseuds/Chaosprincess, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SegaBarrett/pseuds/SegaBarrett
Summary: Nick has bad news to deliver. Troy tries to make things right. (Major Spoilers for "Brother's Keeper" 3x12. And much more Nick/Troy than Alicia/Jake)





	Anything I Can Do?

**Author's Note:**

> Segabarrett to be credited with almost all of Nick's lines! <3

Alicia stumbled out of the pantry in a daze. She blinked the spots from her eyes, gripping the rifle in her hand in case the dead appeared. But the tall ragged figure before her was her brother.

“Nick....” she rasped, taking a few shaky steps towards him.

“Alicia!”

His arms wrapped tightly around her, the only force keeping her tired body upright. She could feel the warm blood soaking through his shirt, sticking to her own. He smelled terrible, but that then Nick usually smelt awful. She’d never been so grateful to have to wrinkle her nose. 

“How’d you do it?” she murmured against him. “How’d you get us out?”

“It’s not important, not right now…” Nick muttered back, rubbing her back.

“Is Troy with you? Did you find him?”

Nick’s heart skipped a beat. Alicia could feel it against her cheek.

“Yeah…” Nick said hesitantly. “Listen, Alicia…”

“Is Jake with you?” Alicia asked, pulling her face back to look up at him. 

He looked apologetic… it was never a good thing for Nick to look apologetic. Nick breathed in too deep, too heavy.

“Nick, where’s Jake?” Alicia asked, more urgently.

“Something happened…”

“Something involving Troy?” she asked, more sharply than intended.

“Something involving Jake, Alicia. There was an accident.”

“What accident, Nick? Where is he?” she said, untangling herself from his arms. 

“He didn't make it...”

Her breath stopped dead in her throat. She choked. 

“We tried… we did what we could Alicia, but… he didn’t.”

Nick sounded far away, an ocean away. He felt far away too. In the fog of her mind, only one question was clear enough for her to grasp. 

“But Troy is alive….?”

Nick didn’t speak. Alicia had to look at him, really focus on seeing him, to see his slow nod.

Alicia sniffed and wiped her sudden flood of tears on her sleeve. She swallowed thickly.

“Nick, is Troy even injured?” she asked flatly. 

“...It was an accident….” 

“Bullshit! What happened Nick?!”

“It was an accident! Jake was going to kill Troy-”

“So, what, you killed Jake to protect Troy?” Alicia hissed, shoving her brother back.

“No! You know I would never do that!”

“So what did you do, Nick? What did you do?! Cause if you tried half as hard to protect Jake as you did Troy, then Jake would be here!”

“I just knocked him out of the way and he fell-”

“Off a CLIFF?!” Alicia shrieked.

“Down a hill, near one of the dead, Alicia. It’s not important! I’m sorry-”

Alicia screamed in frustration, more tears breaking free at last.

“It is important, Nick! He was important to me! But nothing important to me ever matters right? Not to you! Not to Mom!” 

“That’s not true. He was important. The details aren’t.”

“So I never have to know what you did for HIM!” Alicia shouted in the direction of the truck.

Troy, who had thought he had gone unnoticed, flinched and hid behind the truck. Nick cast a sympathetic glance in the surviving Otto’s direction. 

“He tried to help, Alicia. Jake…. He got bitten and we did what we could for him. Troy helped.”

“Jake wouldn’t have been out there if it weren’t for Troy!”

“And something else might have gotten him, today or tomorrow! We never planned for this! Alicia, we did all we could. Troy helped at the end. He wasn’t…”

“My God… You’re really in love with him…”

“Why can’t you believe anything good can come from him, Alicia? He’s hurting too!”

“Well, good for him! Jake can’t hurt anymore, because he’s dead! I’m hurting because Troy got Jake killed. The ranch is hurting because it just lost a third of its population, including Troy’s militia friends, because he is fucking insane, Nick!”

“He’s not, Alicia. If this was anyone’s fault it was mine… I should have been more careful…”

Alicia took a breath. Her throat was raw and her chest ached. The exhaustion swept over her like a tidal wave. To hell with all of it….

“Just go Nick. Take him and go. If Crazy Dog doesn’t kill him, then Walker or Mom will when if they come back. If I’d just left with Jake when he asked… if I’d just gone with him… None of this would have happened in the first place.”

“Left… on your own?”

“We had just as much a chance of making it as you and Troy did.”

“Troy and I are different.”

“It doesn’t matter, Nick. If you can’t survive together, and Troy can’t survive alone, then he’s dead anyway.

“Troy can’t be left alone.”

“Then I guess your choice has been made for you, hasn’t it?”

Nick looked down, scuffed his boot in the dirt. He knew she was right., but he hated what that meant. It meant he’d be leaving his sister and mom behind again… After everything they’d been through, at the border, at this ranch..

“...You were right...what you said before. I do love him.”

“I know… More than I loved Jake, I guess…”

“That’s not true.”

“No, it is… I used him. He knew that in the end. If I loved him, then I would have fought harder for him. I would have gone with you two, just like I followed him to Walker’s camp.”

“I should have fought for him….”

Alicia rubbed her forehead. She was just… so damn tired. 

“It’s over, Nick. It’s whatever.”

“I’m sorry, Alicia…”

“Sorry, doesn’t help right now… I know you’re sorry. It’s just not helping. You need to leave. I’m serious. Ofelia and Crazy Dog will be here any minute. And if Troy dies- if he dies then I lost Jake for nothing.”

Nick looked ready to argue that last point, but he reached out and hugged her instead. 

“I love you, okay? Hang in there, will you?”

“I will… Now go.”

“You’ll tell Mom that I love her…?”

“Of course.”

“And I’m sorry?” 

“You know I will Nick…” 

She wanted to push him away, but she couldn’t let go. 

“He didn’t suffer.”

_Lies._

“He was thinking of you… in the end…”

_Empty lies…_

***

There was no time to pack any supplies. Nick probably wouldn’t have taken anything if he could. They had done enough damage to the ranch. They may have saved what was left of it, but they were also the cause of this disaster. He and Troy… they were some twisted force of nature, leaving wreckage everywhere they went. 

Troy had already settled into the passenger seat, too exhausted to drive. Still, he sat up as Nick got into the car. Nick didn’t have to look to know those sad puppy eyes were fixed on him. Nick started the car, driving off just in time to see Ofelia standing in the rearview mirror. She had an unforgiving expression on her face. _Good riddance,_ it said.

“She looked pretty pissed…” Troy offered, hesitantly.

“Well, of course she was,” Nick replied bitterly.

Troy shrank back.

“I didn’t mean to come between you two.”

“You didn’t mean to do a lot of things, but here we are!”

“Nicky, I’m sorry…” Troy pleaded.

“Are you?” Nick snapped. 

“I’ll go,” Troy whispered, swallowing thickly. “I’ll go and you’ll never have to see me again.”

“Did I say that’s what I wanted?” Nick asked, still scowling at the road. 

“No, but you obviously hate me… so.”

There was a long pause. Nick was white-knuckling the wheel. His foot laid heavy on the gas pedal. He inhaled slowly, willing himself the patience.

“I don’t hate you, Troy,” Nick said. Knowing his tone said otherwise, he added, “I’m just mad.”

Troy bit his lip. His ragged fingernails, or what was left of them, dug into the car door as he struggled to find words that wouldn’t make things worse. 

“Is there… Is there anything I can do to make you less mad?”

Nick hesitated. Frankly, the answer was ‘no’. There was nothing Troy could say to salvage this shit-show of a day. But he could always spot an opportunity. Strand had liked that about him. He missed Strand...

“Yeah, actually. You would need to listen to me, very closely.”

“Okay,” Troy said, leaning in.

“You need to do everything I say.”

“Everything?” Troy echoed.

“Everything. If I tell you to cut off your ear, I only want to hear you sharpening the knife."

Troy visibly shivered. Nick had almost said “arm” instead of “ear”, but even he could see through his anger that it would hurt Troy too much. 

“And… and you’ll like me again…?” Troy asked.

Nick sighed and glanced in the mirror. The ranch was hardly more than a speck on the horizon. He braked and put the car in park. How could Troy commit such atrocities, and still manage to sound so…. Pure? Innocent?

“Troy...sit with me okay?” Nick said, patting the seat next to him. 

Troy scooted closer to him without hesitance.

“I like you… I always like you. But…. Sometimes you can’t… trust your own mind?”

“I can’t?”

“Sometimes, your mind tells you to do things that are bad. Things that could get you hurt. And I never want to see anything bad happen to you, Troy?”

“You still care about what happens to me… after everything?”

“Of course I do…”

Troy blinked back tears, and for all of Nick’s tough act earlier that day, it was a struggle not to reach out and hug him.

“I’ll do whatever you say, Nicky. Whatever it takes.”

“No matter what I tell you to do?”

“No matter what, I promise.”

“Prove it.”

“I will! Ask me anything.”

Nick winced internally at the desperation in Troy’s voice. It felt wrong, having someone need him this badly and ordering him around. But it was for his own good. He searched for a task not too simple, but not too repulsive either.”

“Lick my boot.”

There was a moment of hesitation on Troy’s part. He was searching Nick’s face for signs of joking, but Nick only nodded down to his boot. Seeing that Nick was serious, Troy slid off the seat and scrambled to get on his knees, a difficult task in a pick-up truck, buthe managed and gave Nick’s dirt and god-knows-what-else covered boot a few wet laps. Nick leaned down to make sure Troy’s tongue was really touching it, and slowly, he reached down and threaded his fingers through Troy’s soft curls, pushing his head down and gently encouraging slower, longer licks.

“Good Troy… You’re being good.”

Troy lapped more enthusiastically.

“Okay, now untie my shoe with your teeth.”

Without hesitance, Troy took one of the strings into his mouth and undid the bow with one clean pull.

“Good… very good… you can stop.”

Troy came up to the seat, panting slightly.

“How do you feel?”

“Good.”

“Why good?” Nick asked gently.

“Because you… you're being nice again.”

Nick’s heart ached. Was this really all it took to make Troy happy? Why hadn’t he done this before?

“Is there anything you’re scared of me ordering you to do?”

Troy swallowed thickly. Tears threatened to overrun his eyes again.

“Are you… are you gonna tell me to kill myself again?”

Nick’s stomach churned. Right... He did say that. 

“Troy,” Nick said, reaching an arm around Troy’s shoulders. “The only reason I would ever order you to do something like that is if something worse was coming for us both… And if I did, you wouldn’t have to go alone, okay?”

Troy closed the distance between them, unable to wait any longer, Nick guessed. Every inch of them that could touch was touching in their embrace. Troy may not have kissed him, but he might as well have, for all the intimacy of their hug. He definitely felt Troy’s lips brush against his neck...

“Are you afraid because I’m mad, or because you’re scared to go?”

“Cause you’re mad, Nicky….Please don’t send me away…”

Nick rubbed Troy’s back slowly.

“I’m not mad anymore….okay? So don’t be scared. Come on, get back in your seat. You need some rest.”


End file.
